[{"id":"left-sock","name":"The Lone Left Sock","cat":"Clothing","emoji":"🧦","price":1299,"desc":"Its partner vanished in the wash in 2019. Hand-raised by a single-parent tumble dryer. Comes pre-lonely.","variants":{"label":"Condition","def":"new","options":[{"id":"new","label":"New","price":1299,"imgs":["sock-new-1","sock-new-2","sock-new-3"],"desc":"Factory-fresh, still smelling of optimism. Its partner vanished in the wash before it ever left the packet. Hand-raised by a single-parent tumble dryer. Comes pre-lonely."},{"id":"used","label":"Used (pre-loved)","price":1999,"tag":"vintage premium","imgs":["sock-used-1","sock-used-2","sock-used-3"],"desc":"Pre-loved, gently faded, lightly seasoned with authentic floor dirt and a hand-ventilated heel hole. Survived 412 washes and one Glastonbury. Costs more because it has lived. Vintage premium applies."}]}},{"id":"rain","name":"Bottled Atlantic Drizzle","cat":"Weather","emoji":"🌧️","price":899,"desc":"Authentic sideways rain from the west coast of Ireland. Makes any room feel like a holiday weekend."},{"id":"dehydrated-water","name":"Dehydrated Water (Just Add Water)","cat":"Grocery","emoji":"💧","price":499,"desc":"Ultra-concentrated H₂O powder. Instructions: add water. Results may vary."},{"id":"invisible-hat","name":"Invisible Hat, Size L","cat":"Clothing","emoji":"🎩","price":4999,"desc":"So exclusive you can't see it. Pairs beautifully with the emperor's new trousers."},{"id":"tea-brewed","name":"Tea Brewed by an Anxious Butler","cat":"Grocery","emoji":"🫖","price":650,"desc":"Steeped for exactly 4 minutes while apologising. Served with a biscuit nobody asked for."},{"id":"pothole","name":"Artisanal Pothole","cat":"Home","emoji":"🕳️","price":14900,"desc":"Each pothole is professionally extracted from a real road by our certified excavation crew, wrapped, and delivered by flatbed to the exact location of your choice — driveway, office car park, your ex's street. Installation included*. Fits most roads.","foot":"*Nothing is ever extracted or delivered. Dudcart is imaginary.","variants":{"label":"Size","def":"m","options":[{"id":"s","label":"Small (~20cm)","price":4900,"imgs":["pothole-s-1","pothole-s-2","pothole-s-3"],"specs":["Diameter: ~20cm (a starter pothole)","Depth: 6cm, certified ankle-twister grade","Weight: 18kg of vintage asphalt","Delivery: hand-carried pallet","Pothole water not included (available as an add-on below)"]},{"id":"m","label":"Medium (~60cm)","price":14900,"imgs":["pothole-m-1","pothole-m-2","pothole-m-3"],"specs":["Diameter: ~60cm, the classic suspension-wrecker","Depth: 15cm, holds 40 litres of rainwater","Weight: 240kg","Delivery: flatbed truck","Pothole water not included (available as an add-on below)"]},{"id":"l","label":"Large (1m+)","price":49900,"imgs":["pothole-l-1","pothole-l-2","pothole-l-3"],"specs":["Diameter: 1m+ (visible from low orbit)","Depth: 35cm, swallows hatchbacks whole","Weight: 1.8 tonnes","Delivery: low-loader lorry, police escort not included","Pothole water not included (available as an add-on below)"]}]},"addons":[{"id":"water","for":["s"],"label":"Bottle of Authentic Pothole Water","price":900,"img":"pothole-water"},{"id":"water-gallon","for":["m"],"label":"Gallon of Authentic Pothole Water","price":2900,"img":"pothole-water-gallon"},{"id":"water-barrel","for":["l"],"label":"Barrel of Authentic Pothole Water","price":8900,"img":"pothole-water-barrel"}],"extra":{"label":"Delivery location","options":["Your driveway","Office car park","Your ex's street","Outside the council office","Your neighbour's suspiciously perfect lawn"],"note":"Just for fun: this choice stays on this page and is never stored or sent anywhere."}},{"id":"queue-ticket","name":"Premium Queue Ticket","cat":"Experiences","emoji":"🎟️","price":300,"desc":"Grants you the right to stand in line. Destination not included. Popular from London to Lagos."},{"id":"la-traffic","name":"Rush Hour Traffic (LA Edition)","cat":"Experiences","emoji":"🚗","price":2999,"desc":"90 minutes on the freeway to travel 4 miles. Includes 1 honk and a podcast you won't finish."},{"id":"meeting","name":"Meeting That Could've Been an Email","cat":"Office","emoji":"📅","price":2500,"desc":"60 minutes of pure 'circling back'. Includes 3 people saying 'you're on mute'."},{"id":"cable-drawer","name":"Drawer of Mystery Cables","cat":"Tech","emoji":"🔌","price":1599,"desc":"Chargers for devices you've never owned. Untangling not recommended. Or possible."},{"id":"inbox-zero","name":"Inbox Zero (Factory Sealed)","cat":"Office","emoji":"📭","price":999,"desc":"A mythical state of calm. Self-destructs the moment you open a laptop."},{"id":"tokyo-train","name":"Personal Space on the Tokyo Metro, 8:15 AM","cat":"Experiences","emoji":"🚇","price":49999,"desc":"Rarest item in Asia. Scientists aren't sure it exists. Ships folded very, very small."},{"id":"sorry-pack","name":"Bulk Apologies (500 pack)","cat":"Lifestyle","emoji":"🙇","price":1999,"desc":"For bumping into furniture and existing. Canadian-grade politeness, export certified."},{"id":"adapter","name":"Universal Adapter for No Countries","cat":"Tech","emoji":"🔋","price":2299,"desc":"Fits zero sockets in all 195 countries. Wonderfully consistent."},{"id":"motivation","name":"Monday Motivation (Expired)","cat":"Lifestyle","emoji":"🥱","price":150,"desc":"Best before: 9:03 AM Monday. Smells faintly of snooze button."},{"id":"air-guitar","name":"Professional Air Guitar","cat":"Music","emoji":"🎸","price":8999,"desc":"Zero strings, infinite solos. Amp goes to 11. Neighbours can't hear a thing."},{"id":"cheese-wheel","name":"Wheel of Imaginary Brie","cat":"Grocery","emoji":"🧀","price":3499,"desc":"Aged in a French cave since last Thursday. Lactose-free, cheese-free, everything-free."},{"id":"parking","name":"Parking Space in Any City Centre","cat":"Experiences","emoji":"🅿️","price":99999,"desc":"Rarest item on Earth. Previous owner is still circling the block looking for it."},{"id":"pet-rock","name":"Pet Rock, Emotionally Available","cat":"Pets","emoji":"🪨","price":2999,"desc":"Never needs walks. Listens without judgement. Slightly sedimentary."},{"id":"unread-book","name":"Book You'll Definitely Read This Year","cat":"Books","emoji":"📚","price":2499,"desc":"Sits beautifully on your nightstand for 14 months. Spine uncracked forever."},{"id":"gym-guilt","name":"Gym Membership Guilt","cat":"Fitness","emoji":"🏋️","price":4900,"desc":"All the guilt of a membership, none of the Januarys. Auto-renews emotionally."},{"id":"croissant","name":"Croissant Crumbs (Paris Edition)","cat":"Grocery","emoji":"🥐","price":399,"desc":"The bit that falls on your jumper. Hand-collected from café tables in Paris."},{"id":"feelings-mower","name":"Lawnmower That Mows Feelings","cat":"Home","emoji":"🤖","price":59900,"desc":"Trims overgrown regrets to a tidy 3cm. Battery lasts until your next group chat."},{"id":"kangaroo-wifi","name":"Outback Wi-Fi (1 Bar)","cat":"Tech","emoji":"🦘","price":1899,"desc":"Hand-delivered by kangaroo, eventually. Loads emails at the speed of a sunburnt koala."},{"id":"last-pizza","name":"The Last Slice of Pizza","cat":"Grocery","emoji":"🍕","price":1900,"desc":"Nobody wants it. Everybody wants it. Comes with a free 20-minute standoff."},{"id":"excuses","name":"Pre-Owned Excuses (Assorted)","cat":"Lifestyle","emoji":"🗂️","price":900,"desc":"Gently used by previous owners. Includes 'traffic was mad', 'my phone died' and the classic 'I never got that email'."},{"id":"tangled-lights","name":"Pre-Tangled Christmas Lights","cat":"Home","emoji":"🎄","price":1500,"desc":"Knotted at the factory to save you the effort. Exactly one bulb is broken. Nobody knows which."},{"id":"flatpack-screw","name":"Self-Assembly Furniture, 1 Screw Missing","cat":"Home","emoji":"🪛","price":6900,"desc":"14 pages of wordless instructions, 63 screws, needs 64. Wobbles beautifully."},{"id":"armrest","name":"Airplane Armrest (Both Sides)","cat":"Experiences","emoji":"💺","price":14900,"desc":"Full sovereignty over both armrests in seat 32B. Elbow negotiations not required."},{"id":"cat-box","name":"Box Your Cat Prefers to the Gift","cat":"Pets","emoji":"📦","price":700,"desc":"The expensive cat bed is in the photo for scale. Your cat will ignore it and live in this."},{"id":"bag-of-bags","name":"Bag of Bags","cat":"Home","emoji":"🛍️","price":200,"desc":"A plastic bag full of plastic bags. Every home has one. Now yours can have two."},{"id":"treadmill-coats","name":"Spare Room Treadmill (Coat Rack Edition)","cat":"Fitness","emoji":"🧥","price":19900,"desc":"Holds up to 40 coats. Has never been switched on. Bought in January, obviously."},{"id":"cold-pillow","name":"The Other Side of the Pillow","cat":"Home","emoji":"🛏️","price":2900,"desc":"Permanently cold. No flipping needed. The most luxurious 3 seconds of your night, forever."},{"id":"confidence-jar","name":"Confidence of a Mediocre Man","cat":"Lifestyle","emoji":"🫙","price":3900,"desc":"One jar is enough to explain a sport to someone who plays it professionally."},{"id":"tiny-spoon","name":"Tiny Spoon From Your Cousin's Wedding","cat":"Home","emoji":"🥄","price":1100,"desc":"Nobody knows what it's for. Everybody has one. Too small for soup, too fancy to bin."},{"id":"ex-hoodie","name":"Your Ex's Hoodie","cat":"Clothing","emoji":"🧥","price":4500,"desc":"Still smells like bad decisions. Softer than they ever were. Returns not accepted emotionally."},{"id":"deniability","name":"Plausible Deniability (Family Size)","cat":"Grocery","emoji":"🤷","price":1700,"desc":"'I don't know who ate the biscuits.' Works on parents, partners and HR."},{"id":"terms-conditions","name":"Unopened Terms & Conditions","cat":"Books","emoji":"📜","price":2400,"desc":"All 74 pages you swore you read. Now in hardback, still sealed, as nature intended."},{"id":"pen-lid","name":"Pre-Chewed Pen Lid","cat":"Office","emoji":"🖊️","price":300,"desc":"Hand-gnawed during a maths exam in 2004. Authentic anxiety in every bite mark."},{"id":"plant-cardigan","name":"Hand-Knitted Cardigan for Your Houseplant","cat":"Home","emoji":"🪴","price":2600,"desc":"It's been through a lot this winter. Fits most monsteras. Leaves not included."},{"id":"bluetooth-rock","name":"Bluetooth Pet Rock","cat":"Tech","emoji":"📶","price":4900,"desc":"Does absolutely nothing, but now it does it wirelessly. Pairs with zero devices."},{"id":"ice-cube","name":"Artisanal Ice Cube, Single Origin","cat":"Grocery","emoji":"🧊","price":8900,"desc":"Hand-chipped from a Norwegian glacier. Melts in 20 minutes. Ships in a velvet box."},{"id":"inflatable-colleague","name":"Inflatable Colleague","cat":"Office","emoji":"🧑‍💼","price":7900,"desc":"Fills the empty seat on Zoom so the meeting looks busy. Says 'great point' every 4 minutes."},{"id":"fire-extinguisher","name":"Decorative Fire Extinguisher, Empty","cat":"Home","emoji":"🧯","price":5900,"desc":"Looks responsible. Absolutely useless. Matches any kitchen. Please buy a real one too."},{"id":"warm-toilet-seat","name":"Pre-Warmed Office Toilet Seat","cat":"Office","emoji":"🚽","price":1400,"desc":"Still toasty from a colleague who left 4 seconds ago. Nobody will ever say who. You'll spend the rest of the day wondering."},{"id":"ripped-bag","name":"Shopping Bag That Splits at the Front Door","cat":"Experiences","emoji":"🛍️","price":600,"desc":"Holds everything perfectly for 2 km, then gives way 10 cm from your door. Eggs not included, but definitely broken."},{"id":"sad-salad","name":"Salad You Bought to Be Healthy","cat":"Grocery","emoji":"🥗","price":450,"desc":"Purchased with good intentions on Monday. Pushed to the back of the fridge by Tuesday. Now a science experiment."},{"id":"usb-stick","name":"USB Stick (Goes In on the Third Try)","cat":"Tech","emoji":"💾","price":1200,"desc":"Wrong way up, wrong way up again, then somehow right the first way. A quantum device that defies physics."},{"id":"biscuit-tin","name":"Biscuit Tin Full of Sewing Stuff","cat":"Home","emoji":"🧵","price":1800,"desc":"The heartbreak of every grandparent's house, now available worldwide. Contains zero biscuits and one lifetime supply of buttons."},{"id":"lone-glove","name":"Single Glove Displayed on a Railing","cat":"Clothing","emoji":"🧤","price":900,"desc":"Lost by a child, rescued by a stranger, placed on the railing finger by finger like a museum piece. Its owner will never return."},{"id":"long-receipt","name":"Receipt for One Chocolate Bar (3 Metres Long)","cat":"Experiences","emoji":"🧾","price":200,"desc":"Buy one chocolate bar, receive enough paper to wallpaper a hallway. Includes 46 surveys you'll never fill in."},{"id":"ketchup-last","name":"The Last Bit of Ketchup","cat":"Grocery","emoji":"🍅","price":350,"desc":"Squeeze, shake, bang, squeeze again. Releases one loud fart noise and a single sad droplet. Chips sold separately."},{"id":"burnt-toast","name":"Toast, Carbon Edition","cat":"Grocery","emoji":"🍞","price":300,"desc":"Set to 2, came out at 11. Crunches like gravel. Free smoke alarm performance with every slice."},{"id":"stuck-drawer","name":"Kitchen Drawer That Won't Close","cat":"Home","emoji":"🗄️","price":3900,"desc":"One rogue ladle holds the whole thing open. Push it, slam it, wiggle it. It wins every time."},{"id":"mum-autocorrect","name":"Mum's Autocorrected Text Message","cat":"Lifestyle","emoji":"📱","price":800,"desc":"\"Hope ur having a lovely tine darling. Dad says hell. Love mum.\" Lovingly typed with one finger over 25 minutes."},{"id":"car-freshener","name":"Car Air Freshener (Losing the Battle)","cat":"Lifestyle","emoji":"🌲","price":500,"desc":"Pine-scented hope against two years of crisp packets and gym kit. Bravely fighting a war it cannot win."},{"id":"lego-brick","name":"Single LEGO Brick, Floor Edition","cat":"Lifestyle","emoji":"🧱","price":1100,"desc":"Strategically positioned for your 3 AM trip to the bathroom. Activated by bare feet only. Pain lasts longer than most New Year resolutions."},{"id":"allen-keys","name":"Drawer of 200 Allen Keys","cat":"Home","emoji":"🔧","price":1600,"desc":"Every flat-pack you've ever built left one behind. None of them fit the thing you're trying to fix right now."},{"id":"wrong-side-bed","name":"The Wrong Side of the Bed","cat":"Lifestyle","emoji":"🛌","price":2200,"desc":"Woke up on it. Now everything is annoying. Includes slippers trapped against the wall and a grey morning that feels personal."},{"id":"pen-lid-lonely","name":"Lid of a Pen Nobody Can Find","cat":"Office","emoji":"🖋️","price":250,"desc":"The pen disappeared in a 2021 meeting. The lid stayed loyal. Still waiting on the desk for a reunion that will never come."},{"id":"flipped-umbrella","name":"Inside-Out Umbrella","cat":"Weather","emoji":"☂️","price":1300,"desc":"Survived 4 seconds of real wind. Now a modern art sculpture with a soaking wet owner. Keeps exactly none of the rain off."},{"id":"tree-bag","name":"Plastic Bag Living in a Tree","cat":"Weather","emoji":"🌳","price":700,"desc":"A majestic wild carrier bag in its natural habitat, 10 metres up, flapping proudly through every season. Impossible to retrieve. Will outlive us all."},{"id":"fridge-light","name":"Proof the Fridge Light Goes Off","cat":"Home","emoji":"💡","price":2500,"desc":"Answers the question you've been asking since childhood. Peek through the gap all you like. It knows you're watching."},{"id":"elevator-button","name":"Lift \"Close Doors\" Button","cat":"Office","emoji":"🛗","price":1000,"desc":"Shiny, satisfying, worn smooth by millions of impatient fingers. Not connected to anything. Never has been."},{"id":"fake-pockets","name":"Jeans With Fake Pockets","cat":"Clothing","emoji":"👖","price":3400,"desc":"Beautifully stitched pockets that go absolutely nowhere. Put your phone in, watch it fall out, repeat. A fashion classic."},{"id":"nan-jumper","name":"Christmas Jumper Nan Knitted (Arms Uneven)","cat":"Clothing","emoji":"🧶","price":2900,"desc":"Hand-knitted with love and zero measuring. One sleeve reaches your knuckles, the other stops at the elbow. The reindeer has five legs. Wear it at Christmas dinner or face consequences."},{"id":"wedding-button","name":"Shirt Button That Pops Off at Weddings","cat":"Clothing","emoji":"👔","price":400,"desc":"Engineered to stay perfectly secure until the first dance, then launch itself into the wedding cake. Guaranteed range: 3 metres."},{"id":"lone-flipflop","name":"One Flip-Flop, Washed Up on a Beach","cat":"Clothing","emoji":"🩴","price":600,"desc":"Every beach has one. Nobody knows where the other one went. Left or right, we can't tell, and neither can the sea."},{"id":"knife-belt","name":"Belt With an Extra Hole Made With a Kitchen Knife","cat":"Clothing","emoji":"🔪","price":1900,"desc":"A quality leather belt with five neat factory holes and one jagged hole made after Christmas. Proudly handmade by you."},{"id":"socks-sandals","name":"Socks-With-Sandals Starter Kit","cat":"Clothing","emoji":"🧦","price":2400,"desc":"Everything you need to be the most comfortable man at the barbecue. White sports socks, brown sandals, no shame."},{"id":"snow-day-globe","name":"Snow Globe of the One Day It Actually Snowed","cat":"Weather","emoji":"🔮","price":2200,"desc":"A hand-sealed snow globe containing the one magical day of snow your town got. Shake it gently. It melts if you look at it too long."},{"id":"paving-puddle","name":"Puddle Hidden Under a Loose Paving Slab","cat":"Weather","emoji":"🌊","price":1500,"desc":"Looks like a perfectly normal pavement. Step on it and receive a full shin-height splash of cold, brown, dirty water. Delivered with the slab."},{"id":"irish-sunglasses","name":"Sunglasses for an Irish Summer (Unused)","cat":"Weather","emoji":"🕶️","price":2700,"desc":"Premium UV-blocking lenses, still in the original packaging. Bought in optimism, stored in reality. Includes complimentary rain."},{"id":"zero-rain-forecast","name":"Framed \"0% Chance of Rain\" Forecast","cat":"Weather","emoji":"🖼️","price":1800,"desc":"A printed screenshot of the forecast that promised a dry day, beautifully framed. Hang it by the window so you can stare at it while it pours."},{"id":"snapped-scraper","name":"Ice Scraper, Snapped in Half","cat":"Weather","emoji":"🧊","price":500,"desc":"Strong enough for light frost. Snaps instantly on actual ice, at 7:58 AM, when you're already late. Two pieces for the price of one."},{"id":"indoor-raincoat","name":"Rain Jacket That Only Works Indoors","cat":"Weather","emoji":"🧥","price":4900,"desc":"Fully waterproof in your hallway. The moment it meets real rain it becomes a sponge. Perfect for staying dry while thinking about going outside."},{"id":"rain-gnome","name":"Garden Gnome That Predicts Rain (Always Says Yes)","cat":"Weather","emoji":"🧙","price":3200,"desc":"Holds a little sign that says \"Rain? Yes.\" Accuracy rate in Ireland: 100%. Has never been wrong. Smug about it."},{"id":"wing-window-seat","name":"Window Seat With a View of the Wing","cat":"Experiences","emoji":"✈️","price":8900,"desc":"The window seat you begged for, with a stunning, uninterrupted view of one aeroplane wing. Clouds sold separately."},{"id":"mini-shampoos","name":"Hotel Mini Shampoos You Never Used (Box of 40)","cat":"Experiences","emoji":"🧴","price":1200,"desc":"Lovingly collected from 40 hotel stays over 12 years. Never opened. Never will be. Lives under the bathroom sink until the end of time."},{"id":"tall-man-concert","name":"Concert Ticket Behind the Tallest Man There","cat":"Experiences","emoji":"🎤","price":6900,"desc":"Front-row energy, back-row view. Enjoy the full concert experience through the gap between his ear and his shoulder."},{"id":"garys-stapler","name":"Gary's Stapler (Do Not Touch)","cat":"Office","emoji":"📎","price":2100,"desc":"A perfectly ordinary red stapler with a laminated label reading \"GARY'S. DO NOT TOUCH.\" Gary will know. Gary always knows."},{"id":"not-yours-lunch","name":"Lunch From the Office Fridge, Labelled \"NOT YOURS\"","cat":"Office","emoji":"🥪","price":800,"desc":"A sandwich in a container with a passive-aggressive sticky note. Someone has already taken a bite. The investigation is ongoing."},{"id":"jammed-printer","name":"Office Printer, Permanently Jammed","cat":"Office","emoji":"🖨️","price":19900,"desc":"Prints beautifully, once. Then jams forever. Comes with a flashing error light and three colleagues standing around it saying \"have you tried turning it off\"."},{"id":"short-charger","name":"Phone Charger Cable, 2 cm Long","cat":"Tech","emoji":"🔌","price":700,"desc":"Charges your phone perfectly, as long as you lie on the floor with your face pressed against the wall socket. Ultra portable."},{"id":"sofa-remote","name":"TV Remote From Down the Back of the Sofa","cat":"Tech","emoji":"📺","price":1500,"desc":"Lost for three weeks, found with 40 crumbs, a hair tie and a single crisp stuck to it. Still works. Batteries emotionally drained."},{"id":"left-earbud","name":"Left Earbud Only (Right One Lost on a Bus)","cat":"Tech","emoji":"🎧","price":3900,"desc":"Crystal-clear stereo sound, in mono. The right earbud is currently touring the city on the number 46 bus."},{"id":"jet-laptop","name":"Laptop That Sounds Like a Jet Engine","cat":"Tech","emoji":"💻","price":17900,"desc":"Opens one browser tab and prepares for takeoff. Doubles as a hand warmer, hairdryer and space heater."},{"id":"judging-fridge","name":"Smart Fridge That Judges You","cat":"Tech","emoji":"🧊","price":19900,"desc":"Wi-Fi enabled, touchscreen, and deeply disappointed in you. Displays \"Again?\" every time you open it after 10 PM."},{"id":"unlit-candle","name":"Candle Too Nice to Ever Light","cat":"Lifestyle","emoji":"🕯️","price":3600,"desc":"Hand-poured, luxuriously scented, wick perfectly white. It will sit on your shelf for 11 years and you will never once light it. It's for best."},{"id":"water-plant","name":"Houseplant You Swear You Water","cat":"Lifestyle","emoji":"🪴","price":1400,"desc":"Thrives on neglect and lies. Currently 90% crunchy. You told your friends it's \"just going through a phase\"."},{"id":"spitty-recorder","name":"School Recorder (Still Spitty)","cat":"Music","emoji":"🎶","price":500,"desc":"The first instrument you ever played, and the last one anyone wanted to hear. Plays \"Hot Cross Buns\" and nothing else. Moisture included."},{"id":"concert-kazoo","name":"Kazoo, Concert Grade","cat":"Music","emoji":"🎺","price":900,"desc":"Professional-grade buzzing for the serious musician. Turns any song into a bee's wedding. Sold out at the Royal Albert Hall (we assume)."},{"id":"dog-drumstick","name":"Single Drumstick (the Other One Is in the Dog)","cat":"Music","emoji":"🥁","price":1100,"desc":"A premium hickory drumstick. Its partner is currently being chewed in the garden. Perfect for drumming with one hand while chasing the dog with the other."},{"id":"party-guitar","name":"Party Guitar With 3 Strings","cat":"Music","emoji":"🎸","price":7900,"desc":"Comes out at every house party. Knows four chords and one song. Has three strings left. Everyone will pretend to enjoy Wonderwall."},{"id":"silent-tambourine","name":"Tambourine for People Who Can't Sing","cat":"Music","emoji":"🪘","price":1900,"desc":"For the friend who wants to be in the band but has been asked not to sing. Shake it with confidence. Nobody will stop you."},{"id":"bass-wall","name":"Section of Wall With Neighbour's Bass Built In","cat":"Music","emoji":"🔊","price":12900,"desc":"A genuine section of apartment wall that thumps at 2 AM every Tuesday. Cannot be turned off. You'll never feel alone again."},{"id":"wrong-karaoke","name":"Karaoke Mic, Lyrics Always Wrong","cat":"Music","emoji":"🎙️","price":4400,"desc":"Wireless, crystal clear, with built-in lyrics screen that confidently displays the wrong words. Sing with passion. Sing incorrectly."},{"id":"cover-vinyl","name":"Vinyl You Bought for the Cover","cat":"Music","emoji":"💿","price":2800,"desc":"Beautiful album art. Looks amazing on the wall. You have never played it. You do not own a record player."},{"id":"lonely-triangle","name":"Triangle, the Orchestra's Least Busy Instrument","cat":"Music","emoji":"🔺","price":1300,"desc":"Rehearse for six months. Play one \"ting\" in the third movement. Go home a hero."},{"id":"unused-dog-bed","name":"Dog Bed the Dog Never Uses","cat":"Pets","emoji":"🐕","price":8900,"desc":"Orthopaedic memory foam, washable cover, premium comfort. Your dog has looked at it once. Your dog prefers your bed. And your pillow."},{"id":"bottle-cap-toy","name":"Cat Toy Rejected for a Bottle Cap","cat":"Pets","emoji":"🐈","price":1600,"desc":"A premium interactive feather wand with bells. Your cat will ignore it completely and spend three hours batting a bottle cap under the fridge."},{"id":"empty-castle","name":"Fish Tank Castle (Fish Moved Out)","cat":"Pets","emoji":"🏰","price":2300,"desc":"A majestic aquarium castle with turrets and a drawbridge. Previous tenants have relocated. Now available for new fish or one very confident snail."},{"id":"slobber-ball","name":"Tennis Ball, Pre-Slobbered","cat":"Pets","emoji":"🎾","price":300,"desc":"Professionally soaked by a Labrador so you don't have to wait. Damp, warm and slightly green. Throw it once, regret it forever."},{"id":"laser-dot","name":"Laser Pointer Dot, Uncatchable","cat":"Pets","emoji":"🔴","price":999,"desc":"The red dot your cat has been chasing since 2019. Never caught. Never will be. Endless purpose for your pet."},{"id":"cone-shame","name":"Cone of Shame, Designer Edition","cat":"Pets","emoji":"🐶","price":5900,"desc":"Hand-stitched, luxury fabric, gold trim. Your dog will still walk into every door frame, but now in style."},{"id":"squeaky-wheel","name":"Hamster Wheel That Squeaks at 3 AM","cat":"Pets","emoji":"🐹","price":2600,"desc":"Silent all day. Activates at exactly 3 AM. Your hamster runs 9 km a night and still gets nowhere, just like you."},{"id":"hairy-lint-roller","name":"Lint Roller, Pre-Covered in Cat Hair","cat":"Pets","emoji":"🐱","price":700,"desc":"We've already done the hard part. Every sheet is fully loaded with genuine cat hair. Your cat will add more anyway."},{"id":"stained-cookbook","name":"Cookbook With One Very Stained Page","cat":"Books","emoji":"📖","price":2900,"desc":"A beautiful 300-page cookbook. 299 pages are spotless. Page 112, the lasagne, is covered in sauce, flour and 20 years of family dinners."},{"id":"missing-step-4","name":"Flat-Pack Instructions, Missing Step 4","cat":"Books","emoji":"📄","price":600,"desc":"A beautifully illustrated assembly booklet. Step 3, then step 5. What happens in step 4? Nobody knows. That's why your wardrobe leans."},{"id":"overdue-library","name":"Library Book, 9 Years Overdue","cat":"Books","emoji":"📚","price":1700,"desc":"Borrowed in 2017. Read once. Moved house twice with it. Now too scared to return it. Comes with nine years of guilt."},{"id":"january-diary","name":"Diary With Only January Filled In","cat":"Books","emoji":"📔","price":1400,"desc":"A fresh start, full of plans. Pages 1 to 14 are packed with goals and gym times. The other 351 days remain beautifully blank."},{"id":"stuck-page-3","name":"Self-Help Book, Bookmark Stuck on Page 3","cat":"Books","emoji":"🔖","price":1900,"desc":"Change Your Life in 30 Days. Bookmark permanently on page 3. Has been on the nightstand for two years. Life unchanged."},{"id":"phone-book-2003","name":"Phone Book, 2003 Edition","cat":"Books","emoji":"📒","price":400,"desc":"800 pages of landline numbers for people who have all since moved, changed numbers or got mobiles. Excellent for propping up a wobbly table."},{"id":"wrong-crossword","name":"Crossword Done in Pen, All Wrong","cat":"Books","emoji":"✏️","price":350,"desc":"Completed with total confidence in permanent ink. None of the answers are correct. Several words are not real words."},{"id":"pool-paperback","name":"Holiday Paperback Swollen From the Pool","cat":"Books","emoji":"🏊","price":800,"desc":"Bought at the airport, dropped in the pool on day one, dried in the sun. Now twice as thick and permanently crunchy. Ending still unread."},{"id":"wrapped-yoga-mat","name":"Yoga Mat Still in Its Wrapper","cat":"Fitness","emoji":"🧘","price":3900,"desc":"Bought on January 1st with great intentions. Still in its original plastic. Lives behind the door. Namaste."},{"id":"doorstop-dumbbell","name":"Dumbbell Used as a Doorstop","cat":"Fitness","emoji":"🏋️","price":4500,"desc":"A 10 kg cast-iron dumbbell. Never lifted, except once to move it to the door. Holds doors open beautifully."},{"id":"fridge-steps","name":"Fitness Tracker That Counts Fridge Trips as Steps","cat":"Fitness","emoji":"⌚","price":12900,"desc":"Every walk to the fridge counts. 10,000 steps a day, all of them between the sofa and the kitchen. You're doing amazing."},{"id":"regret-shaker","name":"Protein Shaker That Smells Like Regret","cat":"Fitness","emoji":"🥤","price":1100,"desc":"Used once in 2022. Never washed. Do not open the lid. We are serious. Do not open the lid."},{"id":"shop-runners","name":"Running Shoes, Worn Only to the Shop","cat":"Fitness","emoji":"👟","price":11900,"desc":"Premium cushioning, marathon-ready. Has completed 400 runs to the corner shop for milk and crisps. Personal best: 6 minutes."},{"id":"snapped-band","name":"Resistance Band Snapped on First Use","cat":"Fitness","emoji":"💥","price":900,"desc":"Designed to tone and strengthen. Snapped on the first rep and hit you in the face. You've been resting ever since."},{"id":"bed-ab-roller","name":"Ab Roller Living Under the Bed","cat":"Fitness","emoji":"🛞","price":3400,"desc":"Promises a six-pack in 30 days. Has spent 900 days under the bed with a lost sock and a dust bunny. Abs not included."},{"id":"tv-sweatband","name":"Sweatband for Watching Sport on TV","cat":"Fitness","emoji":"🏆","price":1200,"desc":"Professional athletic sweatband for the true armchair athlete. Absorbs sweat from intense remote control use and crisp eating."},{"id":"ticket-holder","name":"Parking Ticket Holder","cat":"Car","emoji":"🎫","price":799,"desc":"Clips to your windscreen and somehow already looks like it has done something wrong. Every parking warden in town will slow down to stare. Ticket not included, but strongly expected."},{"id":"mystery-rattle","name":"The Mystery Rattle","cat":"Car","emoji":"📦","price":1499,"desc":"The exact noise your car makes only when you are alone. Three mechanics, two garages and one uncle never found it, so we sealed it in a box. Do not open: it stops the moment anyone listens."},{"id":"seat-fry","name":"Fries Under the Seat","cat":"Car","emoji":"🍟","price":349,"desc":"A single fry, found under the driver's seat and aged to perfection since a road trip nobody remembers. Firm, golden-grey and strangely bendy. Pairs well with a lost hair tie."},{"id":"one-angle-aux","name":"Aux Cable (Works at One Angle)","cat":"Car","emoji":"🎧","price":999,"desc":"Plays your music perfectly, but only when held at one exact angle with your thumb. Move one millimetre and your song turns into crackles. Ideal for passengers who wanted a job."},{"id":"engine-light","name":"Check Engine Light Sticker","cat":"Car","emoji":"🚨","price":499,"desc":"Glows a gentle orange forever and means absolutely nothing. Gives every journey that familiar feeling of quiet worry. Mechanics hate it, mostly because it is a sticker."},{"id":"trolley-dent","name":"Shopping Trolley Dent","cat":"Car","emoji":"🛒","price":8999,"desc":"A genuine supermarket car park dent, made by a runaway trolley on a windy Tuesday. Delivered on its own car door, so you can enjoy it without the car. Nobody left a note, as is tradition."},{"id":"recalculating","name":"Satnav Voice \"Recalculating\"","cat":"Car","emoji":"🗺️","price":1999,"desc":"A small speaker that knows exactly one word, and it is the one you least want to hear. It says it calmly every 40 seconds, wherever you are. It has never once known where you are going."},{"id":"scraper-card","name":"Ice Scraper Credit Card Edition","cat":"Car","emoji":"🧊","price":599,"desc":"A plastic card shaped just like the one you panicked and used on a frozen windscreen. Already bent, scratched and full of ice. It is not a bank card, holds no money and is just as bad at scraping."},{"id":"sigh-headrest","name":"Backseat Driver Headrest","cat":"Car","emoji":"💺","price":4999,"desc":"Fits any driver's seat and lets out a long, tired sigh every time you brake, turn or indicate. Comments like 'you could have gone there' are sold separately. No passenger required."},{"id":"air-token","name":"Petrol Station Air Pump Token","cat":"Car","emoji":"🪙","price":249,"desc":"One metal token for 40 seconds of air. The hose stops a hand's length from your tyre, and the timer ends while you move the car. Not money, not refundable, not enough."},{"id":"wrong-pop-balloon","name":"Balloon That Pops at the Wrong Moment","cat":"Party","emoji":"💥","price":399,"desc":"Stays perfectly calm all day, then bursts during the speech, the group photo or the baby's nap. Comes pre-tied with perfect bad timing. Ears not included."},{"id":"last-party-ring","name":"The Last Party Ring","cat":"Party","emoji":"🍪","price":299,"desc":"The last iced ring biscuit on the plate, and the whole party knows it. Taking it is a risk nobody is brave enough to take. It will stay there, alone and proud, until the bin."},{"id":"swept-popper","name":"Party Popper Mess (Pre-Swept)","cat":"Party","emoji":"🎉","price":699,"desc":"All the mess of a party popper, already swept into one neat little pile. Skip the bang, the fun and the cleaning. A few bits will still turn up in your sofa in March."},{"id":"forever-candle","name":"Birthday Candle That Won't Blow Out","cat":"Party","emoji":"🕯️","price":450,"desc":"Blow as hard as you like: it stays lit, and you stay 30. Shaped as a 3 and a 0, for every birthday from now on. Keep a glass of water close, just in case."},{"id":"chin-elastic","name":"Party Hat Elastic (Chin Burn Included)","cat":"Party","emoji":"🥳","price":249,"desc":"The thin elastic string from a paper party hat, stretched to exactly the wrong tightness. Leaves a lovely red line under your chin for two days. Snaps back at the worst moment, as designed."},{"id":"touched-crisps","name":"Bowl of Crisps Everyone Touched","cat":"Party","emoji":"🥔","price":599,"desc":"A party bowl of crisps (potato chips), already rummaged by 23 different hands. Only broken bits and crumbs are left at the bottom. Nobody knows who licked their fingers, and nobody is asking."},{"id":"final-layer-parcel","name":"Pass the Parcel (Final Layer Only)","cat":"Party","emoji":"🎁","price":799,"desc":"Skip the music, the circle and the 40 layers of paper. You get only the last sheet and the prize inside, which is a small rubber thing. Rip it open and feel very little."},{"id":"ceiling-balloon","name":"Helium Balloon Stuck on the Ceiling","cat":"Party","emoji":"🎈","price":1299,"desc":"Floats up and stays there, just out of reach, for three weeks. The ribbon hangs down to tease you. Slowly drops to face height at 2am."},{"id":"stay-guest-doorstop","name":"The Guest Who Stays Till 3am","cat":"Party","emoji":"🚪","price":3499,"desc":"A doorstop shaped like a friend in a coat who has been 'just leaving' for four hours. Stands in your doorway, keys in hand, ready for one more story. Keeps the door open and the night going."},{"id":"reused-tissue","name":"Gift Bag Tissue Paper (Reused 7 Times)","cat":"Party","emoji":"🛍️","price":299,"desc":"One sheet of tissue paper that has filled seven gift bags across four families. Soft, creased and still carrying tape from birthdays past. Pass it on: it's tradition."},{"id":"kinked-hose","name":"Hose With a Permanent Kink","cat":"Garden","emoji":"🚿","price":2499,"desc":"Straighten it once and it kinks somewhere else. Gives a powerful spray right after you put it down. Your plants will be watered by rain, as nature intended."},{"id":"neighbours-ball","name":"Neighbour's Ball (Never Returned)","cat":"Garden","emoji":"⚽","price":1599,"desc":"A football that went over the fence years ago and was never seen again by its owner. It now lives happily in next door's flower bed. Slightly faded, fully adopted."},{"id":"witness-gnome","name":"Garden Gnome Who Saw Something","cat":"Garden","emoji":"🧙","price":2999,"desc":"He stood in the flower bed when it happened, and he has not blinked since. He knows who broke the pot and who ate the strawberries. He will never tell, but he will always stare."},{"id":"bbq-sausage","name":"Barbecue Sausage (Raw Inside, Burnt Outside)","cat":"Garden","emoji":"🌭","price":449,"desc":"Black as coal on the outside, still pink and cold in the middle. Cooked by someone very confident with tongs and no timer. Best admired, never eaten."},{"id":"pull-14-mower","name":"Lawnmower That Starts on the 14th Pull","cat":"Garden","emoji":"🚜","price":14900,"desc":"Starts every single time, as long as you pull the cord 14 times. Pulls 1 to 13 give your arm a full workout and your neighbours a show. Cuts grass sometimes, too."},{"id":"one-tomato","name":"Single Tomato From Your Whole Harvest","cat":"Garden","emoji":"🍅","price":399,"desc":"Months of watering, feeding and talking to your plants, all for this. One small, slightly split tomato. Share it with the family, if you can bear to."},{"id":"wobbly-chair","name":"Wobbly Patio Chair","cat":"Garden","emoji":"🪑","price":3999,"desc":"Has four legs and somehow wobbles on all of them. Move it anywhere on the patio and it finds the uneven slab. Comes with one folded napkin for under the leg."},{"id":"escaped-cover","name":"Garden Furniture Cover (Blown Into Next Door)","cat":"Garden","emoji":"💨","price":2999,"desc":"A tough waterproof cover that protects your garden furniture until the first breeze. It now lives in next door's tree. Your chairs are wet, but the tree is very dry."},{"id":"wasp-jar","name":"Wasp's Personal Invitation","cat":"Garden","emoji":"🫙","price":599,"desc":"A small jar of jam that attracts exactly one wasp, never more, never less. He arrives within seconds and will not leave until you do. Picnic not included, and soon not happening."},{"id":"dead-self-water","name":"Self-Watering Plant (Dead Anyway)","cat":"Garden","emoji":"🥀","price":1999,"desc":"Has its own water tank, a smart water gauge and everything it needs to live. It died anyway, out of pure spite. Low maintenance, because there is nothing left to maintain."}]